Love, love, love.
It’s February, the LOVE month.
No matter what your relationship status or relationship history, you can have a great relationship.
But.. you will attract everything you can’t stand until you heal where it all came from.
I spent the first 30 years of my life learning how NOT to have a great relationship.
Men are great. Who knew?! Not me, until about five years ago.
I always knew that what I wanted existed, but for awhile I didn’t think that it could exist for me. All throughout my teens and twenties I turned any man I met into a jerk who would inevitably destroy me and crush my heart. For a long time I didn’t get that the reality was that I was the common denominator. The men I was choosing weren’t all bad. I have several ex-lovers who are actually good, decent men that didn’t stand a chance with me because of ME, not them.
I’ve put many men through hell. One of my ex-boyfriends told me once, “Rebeccah, you leave men wrecked.” I’m really, really sorry to those who were caught in my web but I also want to thank them for what they taught me. Above all else, I had to learn how to become a woman who knew how to respect and appreciate the sensitive nature of men before I had a shot at making a relationship work.
Another ex-boyfriend told me once that I was his dream woman, but it was like I was “behind glass.” He told me he couldn’t reach me or get through to me. I’ll never forget his words. I really heard what he said. I decided that it was time that I learn how to get vulnerable and put my walls down. That guy and I didn’t make it but I was committed to finally being my real and vulnerable self. I was devastated during that breakup. Growth is painful sometimes. Luckily, it was growth and not just pain without growth.
At 35, I am currently on my second marriage and while we, like every couple, have drama I have finally gotten to the place where I am “all in.” We’ve been married for almost four years and together for five years. With his unconditional love, and the safe space that he provides, I have been able to break through many of my past patterns. More importantly, I’ve learned how to trust myself regardless of what’s happening in my marriage, instead of setting my husband up to fail by expecting and needing him to solve my issues for me.
Last year my husband and I had a baby and I beat stage 3 metastatic melanoma. Cancer sucks. But, it brought my husband and I even closer together. I now believe him when he says he loves me. I look for evidence that we are working instead of focusing on creating evidence that the relationship can’t last. I now know that he loves me for more than sex and that he’s all in too.
My crazy relationship history, my disastrous first marriage, and my year of cancer have taught me the nuts and bolts of how to make a relationship work IF BOTH PEOPLE ARE ALL IN.
I am here to tell you that you can have a great relationship NOW regardless of your history, modeling, or fears.
Everything that hasn’t worked in my past relationships, and even in my current marriage, was because I had work to do on healing my past. Personal growth work can, and will, save your relationship.
I am so excited to announce that I am now offering couples intensives to teach what I know about how to heal, repair and reinvent relationships. This is for couples that want to take a deep dive in their relationship. I specialize in working with couple’s who want to preserve or reinvent their relationship. We spend a full day or weekend together where you learn how to break through conflict and get back to love. Couples intensives can take place at my office in central New York, or I can come to you.
Cheers to the love month, and here’s to a year of your happiest, most fulfilling love experience.
Make the IMpossible possible!